I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT WEANING!!!!

I am not a patient person. I don't do platitudes, much. But, I find infinite inner resources in order to nurture my daughter - many of you will be nodding in recognition...Now, when it comes to weaning, I will let my daughter get on with it - she can wean when she wishes, in the manner that she wishes; she will be four in April - her call. After all, she is the one needing the milk and nurture - so, who am I to try to tell her if she needs it? After all, good AP parents know not to override their child's own ability to know if they need clothes, a coat outside, if they are tired, hungry...same for nursing, right??

So, when I hear or read of people wanting to know how to wean their eighteen month old, six month old, two year old, I wince, my stomach knots, and I think of that child.

It is almost a taboo in these times to suggest that weaning may not be the best option...these times of support and mommy wars, and breastfeeding zealots and bottle/breast arguments raging, because any breastfeeding is good breastfeeding, and that is right enough.


But - why should I encourage or assist someone in their quest to wean their child?? Why should I, in the name of support, offer them a hand up and suggest the milk of another species as a viable alternative to the best thing that a mother can offer? Why should I nod and smile and agree that a stroke on the back is fine when there is a child begging for the breast?
Should I not tell them of the engorgement and mastitis that can ensue from sudden weaning, not to mention the hormonal dip that can occur? Ought I not to enquire what they plan to muster when their child goes into meltdown, and there is no soothing booby to offer that will quell the storm in moments..?
Should I not pass on the idea that if their child asks, then there is a need??

So, don't expect me to burst into momentous applause, say "Well Done!! You have done your bit as you perceive it, thus you deserve to wean your child."

Because I won't. 

I make no apologies - I advocate for the child.
And, if you didn't want this response, then go and find someone who will nod and pat you on the back.

A child is not born culture-specific, aware of fashion or fads, or knowing where is public or private, and neither do they know about modesty or appropriateness; they know about milk and love, and that is all mothers need to consider.

(Along with reading Kathy Dettwyler's "A Natural Age of Weaning")

Have you thought about the meaning of these terms??

There have been many examples in the media of phraseology newly coined, but the "Breastapo", and "Breastfeeding Nazi" expressions are the lowest of the low - not just because these phrases display a total lack of understanding of the tiny percentage of children breastfed past six months, of the ailments and problems this causes, and of all of the many and various people that are working very, very hard to alter this travesty - BUT, primarily to people like my friend Naomi, who feels such that she has asked me to post a letter that she wrote, recently.....

As the daughter of two German-Jewish refugees, I take great exception to the insulting way in which people attack breastfeeding counsellors who devote their time to helping mothers to breastfeed by referring to them as the 'Breastapo'. In comparing breastfeeding counsellors to members of the Gestapo, these people both weaken our horror at the actions of that organisation, and malign those who are concerned for the welfare of babies.

My heart goes out to anyone who wanted to breastfeed, but found it difficult - and didn't manage to find proper help. Breastfeeding difficulties are usually solvable. I have worked for La Leche League for more than twenty years and have seen mothers come through all kinds of physical and social difficulties. Any breastfeeding counsellor or lactation consultant would be glad to help a mother struggling to breastfeed. If these breastfeeding critics really knew about our work, they could hardly use this insult to describe us.

Naomi Stadlen

Author of What Mothers Do - especially when it looks like nothing

 Please consider the meaning of these terms.